Too much to list...

Today I was reflecting on how much different life was today compared to a year ago. This time last year I was still using a cane and a walker to get around. I was stuck in the house, unable to drive and the only time I was able to enjoy the outside was being taken to my follow up appointments with the surgeon. There were a few occasions when Rebecca was at work I was able to convince Alex into help me into the upper section of woods on our property where we cut down small trees for making walking sticks!

 Mid-November 2013

This year I was able to take both my kids hunting, enjoy several days in the woods with some great friends and even shoveled the driveway after both of the snowfalls we have had so far which may seem like no big deal to some but I am obsessed with a clear driveway and although I was appreciative of  Rebecca and the kids taking care of it last year I will admit it drove me crazy not doing it my way!

There is so much to be thankful for but here are a few of the things I am most appreciative of:

My wife Rebecca  She is the glue that holds our family together and makes it complete. She is my best friend and every day that we are together is better than the last.

My Kids Ariel and Alex  I never dreamed I would grow up and be responsible enough to have kids of my own some day and here I am the father of two teenagers. I may not always have the answers to life's questions but I love learning them with you both hand in hand.

My health  Now part of this is thanks to Rebecca although I still sneak a little extra butter into my cooking every now and then! Just over a year ago I was really struggling with the pain I was in and I know there were a lot of people praying for me. I was scared about the surgery and what the outcome was going to be, I never imagined I would recover as well as I have and that alone is something to be extremely thankful for.

My talents  I am thankful that I have the talent of cooking. There is something about making a meal that brings me joy. I love creating food and am thankful for the ability to feed my family the way I do. Last year I managed with the help of Rebecca to prepare our Thanksgiving meal something I always took for granted, this year I reflected on that fact as I prepared the Turkey and Ham for our annual feast!

The ability to hunt and fish  Last year one of the things that bothered me the most was not being able to go hunting or ice fishing. This year I was not only blessed to spend time in the woods during archery and the beginning of gun season, I even managed to put a couple deer in the freezer so far. I was able to enjoy some time on the water this summer with my cousins, my kids, my friends and even spent a day kayaking with just Rebecca.

My friends  I have a lot of acquaintances but there is a core group of people that I consider friends and in the past year thanks to homeschooling our kids, Rebecca and I both have made some new friends that are near and dear to us and I look forward to a life long bond with each and everyone of you.

It is so easy to get caught up in the daily hustle and bustle of life and even though there are special dates like Thanksgiving that we stop to reflect on everything we have to be thankful for I have realized that there is importance in taking time each and every day to give thanks for everything I have been blessed with, especially on the days when life has me down!

The student becomes the teacher

Well after taking a long hiatus from writing I have finally decided to start sharing my life with everyone again. After losing Navarre in March I not only lost my desire to write I honestly couldn't bare clicking on the blog and being reminded by his pictures that he was no longer here.

The past 8 months have been very eventful and included two trips which I never dreamed I would ever take, daily life and everything in-between. It has been just over a year since my surgery and my back continues to heal and despite having occasional bad days I am grateful for how well I feel considering everything I went through. I have continued to dabble with photography and while I still have a lot to learn I have gotten better at taking pictures that capture life's moments to reflect on for eternity.

What finally bought me back here though is two of the loves of my life, hunting and my kids. Last year it pained me beyond words to miss hunting season especially because Alex was so excited to finally be able to participate as a licensed hunter. But as we all know life goes on and despite not being able to hunt with the help of my friends Jayson and Seth I was able to reduce my meat purchases last year with venison they both donated to my freezer.

After what seemed like an eternity November is finally here. I was able to get a few trips into the woods during archery season but what I was waiting for was the Youth Deer Season opener which happened to be this past Saturday. With much anticipation and very little sleep I woke the kids and watched them gear up in their camouflage long before the sun made its appearance to kiss our faces with warmth.

Upon arriving at the meadow Alex headed off for his first deer hunt with Seth and Ariel and I made our annual trek to the grand stand beneath the brightly shining full moon. It was a quite morning and despite the deer failing to show themselves the time spent nurturing the kids with the love of the woods was time time well spent.

Ariel and I participated in afternoon stand together and laughed when we spotted 8 deer in the middle of a moonlit field while driving home. I was able to share with her the story of my dad and I spending a week and who knows how much money on a hunting trip up north only to return and have Nonnie fill the freezer after hitting an 8 pointer with her car just a couple miles from our house the weekend we returned home.

Fast forward to this morning. I took a couple vacation days to relax in the woods with the kids in anticipation of them filling the freezer and taking the pressure off of me during the regular firearms season. We decided that Alex would take the morning stands and Ariel would take the afternoon stands - well with her being 16 its like morning stand for her as she is usually just rolling out of bed at the crack of noon!

Alex and I made our way into the woods and were settled into the buddy stand about thirty minutes before legal shooting time. It was an unusually quiet morning with nary a squirrel and very few birds other than the droves of geese flying overhead. With the ever present technology I took several "selfies" which kept our mind off of the cold nip in the air as we laughed at our expressions. I suggested that Alex settle in and if he wanted to take a nap as I wanted to sit for another hour or two. It was just after 08:00 when a sound captured my attention, I looked around but didn't see anything out of the ordinary. Moments later I heard leaves and caught movement in my peripheral vision.

I slowly garnered Alex's attention to alert him of the deer that was walking along side of us. He was amazed at how quickly the creature had materialized out of the thick brush. He raised his gun and when I stopped the deer by grunting the shot rang out. I watched the deer bound into the thicket and eventually up the hill. I was perplexed that it was able to bound off with such ease.

I focused my attention to Alex who was still shaking like the birch tree leaves which danced in the wind each time it gently blew. He was excited yet worried, his thoughts were focused on praying the deer didn't suffer. We gathered our emotions and I descended to the forest floor where I made my way to the point of aim. I could see where the deer jumped in the soft swampy ground but there was no signs of hair or blood. I slowly made my way through the brush were I saw the animal go able to see it's tracks in the wet leaves.  I carefully searched for any sign of a hit and while making my way over the hill Alex watched from the stand as the deer doubled back and ran towards the hardwoods.

I worried about how he was going to react to the news that he missed. I made my way back to where the deer was when he shot and after looking closely it became clear the he had shot just under the deer. Despite me telling him the disappointing news he still had a smile on his face. He unloaded the gun and lowered it down to the ground and climbed down to meet me. I assured him that there was no need to worry about the animal being injured and I showed him where his shot impacted the ground between the legs and just behind where the deer had been standing. We replayed the moment he took the shot and determined that despite me warning him not to he had picked his head up as he pulled the trigger - something I have done on more than one occasion!

We made our way out of the woods and once we were in the field we started talking again. It was during this walk back to the truck that my son taught me a lesson without even realizing he was doing so. I have been in his shoes, I have missed deer that seemed liked they were destined for my freezer but every time its happened to me I have been miserable filled with emotions of displeasure in myself and disappointment. Here walking next to me was a young man who was just grateful for a day spent with his dad and amazed that he even saw a deer. Yes he was bummed that he missed but kept exclaiming to me how exciting it was.

Wow, all I could think was Wow! I was transported back to the days as a kid when my dad would let me skip school to spend the first week of archery season in the tree with him. I realized that those mornings are part of who I am, part of the reason I love hunting and in essence the reason I want my kids to hunt with me. Sure the goal is to harvest a deer but enjoying the time together is what really matters. Thanks to my son's enthusiasm I found myself renewed with joy and the self made burden of pre-harvest pressure has been lifted.

So now here I am writing this reflecting on the past couple mornings realizing that what really mattered was the moments spent one on one with my kids, the time spent cuddling together to stay warm in the buddy stand, the silly jokes and never ending innuendos we fabricate out of nothing, the blessing of a front row seat watching nature prepare for winter and seeing animals behave in their natural habitat that so many people will never experience except though a television documentary.

Thank you Ariel for sharing my love of the hunt and if I have ever made a single moment of  our time spent in the woods un-enjoyable please accept my apology and call me out on it if I ever do!

Thank you Alexander for opening my eyes and renewing my spirit. Today was fun, it was exciting and thanks to your positive attitude I will cherish every moment of it forever. You see you taught me that I am never too old to learn something and today you proved that you are never too young to be the teacher. I look forward to the day when I get to watch you harvest your first deer, It may take some time or it may be tomorrow but whenever that day comes I will cherish the moment spent together and am thankful that you share my love of the woods and hunting as does your sister.

Ariel, I know that hunting was "our thing" to do together so I thank you for not discouraging your brother from participating. I have been blessed that you have helped fill the freezer the past couple years and will always smile and laugh thinking about our "Don't tell Mom" moments and conversations!

Here is to many more hunts, countless memories and positive lessons learned - no matter who is teaching and who is learning!

Man's best friend - Rest in Peace Capt. Navarre

Lord, you have embraced a good friend and loving companion.
While we mourn what we have lost, we do celebrate what we had...
and in saying goodbye, we renew our pledge to love and care
for any creature you entrust to us for its time of life.
Thank you, Lord, for the joy this loved one gave us and for making it
possible for us to have made this friend's life a good one.

 

 

It has been awhile since I have felt like writing and while I don't really want to I find emotional healing in doing so. Today was one of the hardest days I have had in a very long time, I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends and guardians. Navarre wasn't just a dog he was a member of the family.

 It seems like only yesterday while on a business trip I held him for the first time. I fell in love, he was only a week old puppy sleeping on my lap and I knew it was just the beginning of a bond that would last a life time. I think the weeks between that day and the day Rebecca and I drove down to North Carolina took longer than the past 8 years have. I can remember driving home in the pouring rain with our puppy snuggling between us on the front seat of the truck and once we were close to home as I have with all our dogs we stopped and got him a burger as a welcome to the family treat!

It didn't take long for me to name Navarre the "Guardian" as he was in constant watch over the kids. He truly loved his humans but also took pride in guarding over his chickens and seemed to have a natural bond with any animal we added to our family, especially Annabeth the kitty.

I am still having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that he is gone, I keep expecting him to come into the room and start whining because Ariel waited till dark to close up the coops. Daily life will take some getting use to without him in tow. He would go out with Ariel to do her chores every day, he had to go to bed at the same time as Alex because they were roomies after all!

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."  I hope that in our short time together I was truly worthy of the love and devotion he gave!

 

Navarre was always there, as I went through pictures tonight I laughed at the fact his butt or ears were in most every picture taken around our property. He was a tall handsome boy and despite his size and weight he so wanted to be a lap dog like his little brother Gabriel. He loved to snuggle and always seemed to fix what ailed you with a nuzzle of the nose or the most gentle licks you could imagine, something I could really use as I sit here staring at my computer screen.

I won't ever be able to look at a squirrel again without thinking about his extreme hatred for the gray tree rats. I think when we spoke to him we sounded like the adults in the Charlie Brown specials unless we said the word squirrel or cookie!

He was an amazing companion not only to me but to Rebecca, Ariel and especially Alex. Living out in the woods we would often send the two boys outside to get some exercise and fresh air. Navarre was the motivator for Ariel, he would beg to get into her room in the morning and if she didn't want to get up he would climb up into bed with her and hog as much room as possible.

 

 

He will live on in our memories and the impact he had on our hearts will last a lifetime. Thank you Navarre for being the amazing dog, companion, protector and friend that you were. Over the next several day, weeks, months and years we will shed many tears when thinking of you as well as smile and laugh when we think about the joy you brought us over your short yet amazing time with us here on earth.

 

 

Thank you for the joy you constantly provided, for watching over the kids and the chickens. Rest easy my friend - I love you and miss you!

 

"God will prepare everything for  our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe  he'll be there." B.G.

 

I so miss you fella,
my time with you was the best,
I couldn't see you suffer,
so I had to let you rest.
The sparkle had gone from your eyes,
your tail no longer wagged,
I loved you so much my sweetheart,
I miss you and it makes me feel so sad.
But you will always walk with me,
and you will always be my fave,
I have other dogs, I love them all,
but not like I love you babe. xxx
'til we meet again,

Honor your Father

     Growing up we are taught to honor our parents, today was a day spent honoring a man that is very special to me; he may not have set out to be my father but despite his intentions it turned out he would be. It was over 20 years ago that my dad passed away and while I struggled with the reality that life would be forever changed the father of my girlfriend would make a simple statement that I would forever hold dear to my heart. The day of my fathers funeral many people whispered words of encouragement to me and my family members, I know they were all sincere but it seemed like white noise to a teenager who's head was spinning with confusion, anger and remorse. It was during this time that my girlfriends father pulled me aside and told me that while he could never take the place of my father, he wanted me to know that he was there for me as a father. That simple statement stuck out as one of the few memories I have of that day, here was a man who I felt truly meant what he said and would follow through with his statement if I decided I wanted to open the door to him. It was during this time that I realized my fathers rule of asking permission from the parents of any girl we wanted to date prior to starting a relationship was not a silly rule, there were benefits to knowing the parents of your date approved and liked you. Little did this man know that I would some day call him Dad and love him as I loved my very own father.

   
     Today we followed our family tradition of celebrating birthdays together on the Sunday following ones actual special day. We gathered at Rebecca's parents and enjoyed the birthday boy's meal of choice which happened to be oven roasted turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, salad, garlic bread and homemade cranberry sauce. Rebecca and I contributed by providing the desserts, double chocolate cake with warm dark chocolate gnash, homemade vanilla bean ice cream and dark chocolate covered strawberries - all of Dad's favorites.

   
     Days like today I reflect on the fact there are people who go through life without having a father that they can honor and of course there are people who are lucky to have a dad worthy of honor. I on the other hand feel truly blessed that in my life I have been given multiple men to call Dad, all of which have deserved to be honored by me and my family.  Today I was proud to have the chance to honor Chuck Rathbun, a man many would refer to as my father-in-law, I prefer to just refer to him as my father.

   
     What might have seemed as the right thing to say at that moment many years ago has helped me in more ways than can be counted and today I felt like I was the lucky one having the chance to celebrate the birthday of a man who may not have ever thought he could take the place of my deceased father but in fact he could and did.

     Happy Birthday Dad, thanks for being such a huge part of my life and my families life as well. Thank you for the advise you have dispensed over the years, the hours spent working on projects around the house, the encouragement during the hard times and most of all for being a role model that I can strive to be like day after day.